Under rug swept..

Well once again, i have been under rug swept.. and its almost appearent no ones turning around to see if im still here... Today cont. on as if I had nothing 2 look forward 2 but then as lunch neard i hear my name being screamd @ the loudest volume... not lik a hey summer.. but lik ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SuMMMMERRRR.... quite loudly.. but none other then vanessa.. and cody is with her...

so the next thing u know wher waiting in line and then everyone decideds that we should bring our food sumwhere else... and i turn around and walk 2 get katsup and codys lik hey summer.. ur not coming with us almost lik he was worrid.. and it was cute..

i said no just getn katsup and then lik idk i felt all butterflye... and wat can i do... how can i put astop smthing i hardly feel... i seriously dont really lik him.. but then lik i dont want him with anyone else... selfish yes.. reasonable mayb not... how i feel.. yes!... and sadly cyrus seems 2 b nice.. but this gurl hes pla'n 2 go out with eww.. she looks lik a f'n racoon!... its really gross.. she has lik the darkest circles under her eyes...

anyway enough dissing her but I am kinda mad and kinda lik grr.. bc i wanna run and never stop i really dont..

Juliet

The Dased And Confused

olllana

I miss her..

Another One Bites The Dust

Well, well, well wat have we hear another awesomely crappy story of how ppl lik 2 fuck me over and hurt my feelings.. I realized in school the other day that I, n Fact do lik Cody, even for the slight reason that I dont want anyone else 2 have him.. so 2 me that say hey b with him then... wellI wrote him a lil email that said i was sry i had b so mad and it was stupid.. and blah blah blah.. then I was lik wat did u say the other day bout wanting 2 b with me?? or watever.. bc he had wrote me and apoligy note and said that he was sry and he liked me and wantd 2 b my bf and sum stuff lik that... well i get a reply that i wasnt exactly thrilld about... After lunch, he was pissd off @ me for calln him A dick.. that he went off and hookd up with sum chick (whom which i havnt found out a name YET) and then he goes whoops i fuckd up...
hmm.. so hes not as dumb as he looks!!!!!!! grr that pisses me off more then u kno... grrr anywayz yeah i want 2 give up and throw myself n front of sum type of moving vehicle... and surprisingly enough my mom has allowd me 2 do watever i wantd this weekend..(except go 2 sumparty but no bigge herd it wasnt 2 much of a blast anyway..) and istill feel lik blah.. she let me go to the moovies last night and then hang out with alex and lucas on the steps.. it was very cool... and i feel lik a sad sad sad juliet...

forget all that i said

CODY lied and told cyrus i was fat and ugly.. cyrus agrees.. watch shakespere n love and cryd for about well... 4 hours and then i fell asleep n complete misery... todAY im am planning on conronting Paul a recond for my slef.. take pride n my plans.. and well thats it thats all im doing all right when i get home... Juilet is so Depressed

Im Not The Same Me I Was Yesterday

I am begining 2 realize that everyday i am n highschool... i change... the way i walk, and talk, wear, say, do, learn, its crazy... I was told twice 2day i lookd pretty.. that hardly happends @ school.

and I had lik four different guys hanging on me.. feeding me gobstoppers (cody) holding me (rob)(trent) and sayn im cute(scott) but all in all.. i just wantd 2 b back n the cafe with vanessa just me and her again today eating lunch. talking about all the important things we have going for us.

I realize the importance of two great friends... one u can tell everything about sumparts of ur life.. and the one u can tell Everything.. it just sucks my Everything isnt so cool 2 other ppl... and my Sumthing... Shes a Sumthing 2 alot of ppl.. but i lik im her Everything.. and she could 2 but lik sumthings im afraid 2 trust her on.. lik idk..

Anywayz.. I could feel like Cody starting 2 like me again and i dont mind.. i can feel lik his like erdge 2 b around me.. but lik he plays t 2 cool for other ppl 2 notice.. he'll see me when its just him and just me.. and call my name and walk over casually lik he could find sumone else and walk away from me if he seems them but i can tell when he gets me and he kisses me on the cheek (how we say hi 2 good friend) the way he lik puts his hand on my waist idk.....

Today i found myslef walking over 2 where his class is and when Sara said," no i wanna go find rob and alex come on" I was lik, "naw im good.." and then i saw him headed towards me and i lookd away lik I was trying 2 find sumone else and he goes... "HEY"... aw.

My only probelm with all that his hes about 2 inches shorter then me.. and i cant see my slef kissing him (again) or lik being his girl and having 2 lik floow around with him or lik sit hold ands yatayata.. id rather b the way we r and lik enjoy time insted of making it a comentmint and have 2 b with them bc u going out with them..

U kno its lik with out saying "i want u 2 b my girl friend" or "i am ur girl" ur doing it bc thats the only way 2 show them u care or u want 2 b by them.. its lil things that dont happen when u r ther girl that makes it special... and when u say yes.. it like bcomes a job and it becomes sumthing u dred.. and i dont like cody enough 2 not dred it.. i like being with him and him but then i dont u know..

Wat You Have And What You Want Can Change Which Leads Me Back To Where I Started, I Am Not The Same Me I Was Yesterday....

Chicken LIL ur a damnd fool!!

Hahahaha so as u know with a title lik so wer either gonna b talkn bout food or being unaware and afraid of everything.. its the later of the two.. I am done being afraid.. I AM alwayz scared im gonna get n 2 trouble for being me.. When i do stuff i kno is wrong i hardly freak out.. bc if im smart i wont get caught.. but being caught for sumthing i didnt realize was wrong!!! ek!Well damn it im done. if i get in trouble wats the worst that can happen i get beat or i get grounded not much else..
Anywayz on a lighter note i am sick!! LIK the flu type and its irratating.. o so much!!.. The stalker has left me another commenbt on my myspace.. great!.. Im kinda afraid if he lik really starts 2 bother me im gonna tell a teacher.. bc lik i have peeps that ill go up n scare em but im afraid for them so ill do it the "conventional waY" yep...
Sumthing id alwayz lik 2 do is for one day do sumthing with via la bam seriously! that would b raddd... lol.. but ill settle with look alikes... hmmm... boys r crazy mo's its o-d-d odd... anywayz im out bc im tired and about 2 hit the hay anything else is 2 marrows history ( great hope for 2marrows blog this one was pointless~~) a angry and tired juliet

Sometimes it can ONLY get worse.

There are alwayz ppl that r lookd down on.. In my first period class ther is this really cute popular gurl.. Shes from my school.. (which is odd bc only 500 r from my school and the other 900 r from various other schools) the only problem is that gurlz a bitch.. and i kno she looks down on me...
well theres this gurl that sits in front of me and i know this is mean but damn.. HER mother birthd an ugly child.. shes really not cute and even if she didnt have ratty hair and a bird beak for a nose she still would b classifid as the ugly gurl.. i like her but @ the same time look down on her...and i had a great revalation today.. who does she look down on... i see ppl as her equals and i doubt she looks down on them.. and then i realized it was US... she looks down on.. she thinks of us as rude and mean, caniving back stabbers which reall we r...
Then U know wat else i reallized this week... I DONT LIKE BEING STALKED.. grr.. this kid as lik faild 3 times and is supposed 2 b graduating next yr.. hes 17 and hes lik 5"2 nothing wrong with being short but hes ugly to... and freakky! Every time that I turn around that werido is lik right bhind me.. watching wat i do and who im with i can tellbecause hes lik staring
@ my friends lik waiting for us 2 say each others names...
For the past FOUR days i have been running, been hugged for a prolongd ammount of time by friends so he cant see me... being walkd 2 class.. and having sum of my best guy friends wrap ther arms around me til he walks away..
Now dont get me worng and say o u havnt givin him a chance.. he told me online which is where i met him thought a friend, becca who said he was nice.. lol Turns out he tried 2 kill her on the bus when she was n 6th grade.. put his hands around her throat and squeezd until my friend sara pulld him off... Well he told me that i saved him from killing him slef.. then when i was n NC and had only met him on internet he said and im quoting this from my myspace.. which i am close 2 deletin..........
I miss you.
I miss Staying in myspace talking witchu till I got Couch rot.
I miss telling you everything that was wrong with my life.
I miss you listening to my endless bitching and never once complaining.
I miss you having a solution to most of my problems.
I miss your rants about boys. (*on blogs not 2 him*)
I miss trying to change your opinion on boys.......
I miss Failing misserably. (*ewww and i wonder y*)
I miss the way when I was Borderline Suicidal you calmed me down and possibly saved my life.
I miss planning to hang out....... (i didnt**)
I miss those plans failing misserably
I miss you so much it hurts.
T minus 13 Days till you're back.I Miss You.XoXoXo~JuLiAn AbRiL~XoXoXo

GROSS AND I AM ENDING THIS WITH A EWWWWWWW!!

I Really Miss My Mizzle

That was the best week OF my life.. April 15-April 20

5:50 AND IM OFFICALLY SINGLE!!!

O yes ppl of the world i am offically single!!.. i feel so much better!!.. im gonna have so much fun in school!.. ttyl bc its almost 6 and time 2 leave..(eww this is so early) lik wakein up earlier would have 2 b @ lik 3

"HELP me Max, Im feeling"

I feel like some one put their big hands around my throat and i cant breath. They just sqweeeezzz until my eyes wanna pop out.. and U know wat i think ther my hands.. I think im slowly sliping in 2 insanity. Lik the grinch. Lol with the conbo of school and My mother and Father... constantly bitching 2 me 2 get good grades.. as if im gonna fail on purpose 2 piss them off.. then i have 2 worry bout friends.. i want so bad 2 have classes with ppl i kno.. i like my old friends, new ones r great but i feel safer u kno.. if i dont kno anyone ill switch out so that i do... but anywayz i guess i really dont have much 2 say...


** o i am really irrated bc my mom will tell me all her problems and then when i try 2 help her or say sumthing i think she goes.. u dont kno anything shut ur mouth... if u dont want my fuckn opinion then dont tell me or ask for it.. and fuck just bc im young doesnt mean i dont know anything.. i hate when older ppl think they kno it all and we kno shit... lik when they say oo we know wat u guys do in highschool...and wat u think bout.. sex drugs and alcohol... wtf since we are n highschool and u havnt been n about idk 20 yrs.. y dont u let me tell u what u think about.. work.. how stupid and dumb i am.. how when u wer kids u did no wrong... how i need 2 clean the whole house just bc u go 2 work.. even thought school and work r the same thing... and analyising all my reactions to things that have nothing 2 do with you yet u think everything i do, say or thing bad about has 2 do with u..grr...and i am not My parents and im tired of being treatd lik a ANGEL by one (not bad bc i dont do bad stuff) and then A terrorizing lieing no god hore by the other... (who do u think that one is) *cough*** thats all i have 2 say bout that 2 day

The # 1Reason I hate myself...

This is a part of a story, kinda lik a diary but in lik story form....
Well enjoy....
From the second i walkd through the doors i knew it was going to b a wonderful year. Perfect evn. Then i saw him. Nothing could prepare myself for him. Nothing pain from Paul nor Andreas could ever accumulate together. Love for this new boy, Cyrus, hit me like a freight train more then Cupids damndest arrow. When i say love, I mean the LOve thatt leaves u breathless and full of hate. Everyday he contuines to fill me with disgust and more love then most guys i have happend 2 have happend apon. We fight about things that have no bearings on anything important to the daily shit in school. I bitch at him for being so mean and him abck at me saying that i should feel lucky that he puts the effort to tease.. phuff.... needless to say i dont. ALso needless to say, as in i really dont need to say bc everyone and their Realtives know it, i LOve the kid every girl does. People that dont even know him or talk to him dream of him at night... Girls walkn around with his 5 letters enscribed on their hands. I am the good friend left back to watch as he makes his self a private picking of gurls he will never see or talk to agian. He dates girls he never talks to or walks with even hes supposed to be with her. I, with no offical title, am the one to bare his personal arm rest, and his conforter when hes sad. Not that I wind but AT least a "girl im seeing would be nice".

Manmens

OK so to the o so careful readers 2day i have a few interesting things 2 let u n on! We have officaLly broken up and then i was cond n2 giving hima second chance when my friend nessy gets back.. great mother f'er.. so i have been totally had!!.. and i dont wanna b with him and I kno Vanessa will support my disesion! thank u! LOL i have princes, princes who adore me... lol thats a good song 2 princes... hmmm 2DAYS blog was supposed 2 b very important and meaning ful but that was flush down the toliet along with my will power 2day.. grr... life is unfair and im so unprepared... man i feel nervous as fuck lik im about 2 b lik punished for sumthing i was unaware i was doing.!! o and i got my bus pass i have 2 b @ the bus stop @ 6:05 bc it leaves 2 lik 6:15.. but anywayz i figured out sumthing.. i have falln in love with sum and until the day i am ther gurl i will NEVER b satisfid... and u kno wat.. he GOES 2my school and so.. u never kno but mayb im just sayn that so i dont have 2 admit y i really dont lik justin.. ehhhhhhhhh welll this is Juliet sayn shes been totally had... gr!! Damn u un-star-crossed lover!

How I Did It

Well, he signd on this moring with a happy face and hes like a babe how r u and he told me that he was irrated bc the GED ppl wouldnt pick up the phone and i said i was irrratted and hes lik y? and i was lik welll... well actually i made steven type it that it wasnt goin 2 work out... and he just sadi ok and then y and i gave him sum bs and stuff... but honestly bc he has: 1.no job... 2.no car...
3.no house... 4.no diploma or GED.. and 5.Hes Handicapped... thats not a reall WINNER n my book... wat bout urs?? And then he told me we'd talk bout it when he gets home from lookn for an apartment and really thers nothing 2 talk about!! sadly!! I got 2 loverly letter 2day! its great! having a letter and gettn one is great!!!!

How im gonna do it.

Well, last night... i talkd 2 a good friend of mine LD, who lives n North Carolina yadayada been friends since the end of time and just seen him for the first time n 10yrs. recently... (hes halarious and so much fun 2 hang with) ANyway i told him that i was thinking about braken up with Justin, Last night's^ moaning and whineing, yes that would b him... Well i had this big plann and i was gonna b all lik im cheatn on u with sum1 and make my self look lik shit and then him b lik i dont think i wanna b with u anymore.. or he could say its ok we can work through it.. (im scared of that!!), or i said i could just make him made and have him say sumthing mean on accident but really for me on purpose and b lik i dont wanna guy that makes me cry.. or one of my friends... made nessy cry.. shouldve kickd his ass**.. but then suddenly.. LD^ goes " y don ya just say this isnt gonna work out..." I almost Gaspd.. Can i really b that easy just 2 say it ... is that all i have 2 say honestly is i dont want it 2 work out.. and so its not... mayb if i found him more lik attracive... physically hes lik whoa... hes got black hair and sum GORGEOUS blue eyes... tongue ring.. gadged ear... and sits about 4'11 n a wheel chair... < that could b stressful my mother said...< and once again shes right.. and emotionally and lik mental.. hes on the same boat but hes dockn earler.. hes 16, getn out of highschool.. only suposed 2 b the 11th grade, gettn his GED and moving out with his 18yr old sister... i can not deal with sum1 who has no parents right now 2 set ground rules for him.. dont want 2, dont have 2.. (sum times i love parents other time not so much)... so when im gonna do its allll a mystery.... how well i have an ok idea.. if i can do it... ????? Juilets confused......

My boyfriend

O wow i actually have a boyfriend.. the excitement... i could just die... actually i really like him but i dont think i will ever love him... actaullly i dont think i really ever want 2. love him @ least.. other ppl have good chances tho.. ppl alwayz say Summer y do u do that, y do go out with ppl that u really dont lik that much... just 2 have a bf?? well mayb... that but i think i just want 2 have sum1 even if its not sum1 i reallly like! I havnt felt the love lik i did when i liked "the munker" and i dont think ill find sum1 lik him again now.. so now im just with ppl i kinda like.. in an odd sucky way... thers alwayz sumthing else better... thers always that last romeo... and i just seem 2 b all jittery for highschool.. and sum1 says we need 2 go out this yr.. hmm wat can i say 2 that... no ive had a crush on his friend forever and im done with him... so mayb he does have a chance.. slight but hey its good for him... and ppl have a prob with my bf^ bc hes older then me by 2 yrs. hes 16 and hes n a wheel chair... which is cool with me i guess... and ppl say that all older guys want is ass.. well thats not true... @ least not him.. but i dont wanna b with him now.. i dont want a bf... i said that i wanna a long term relation, b4 but i lied.. i dont want that not with him... i dont wanna b with him anymore... i dont kno y.. well actually i do kno y but thats besides the point... anyway...hes a great but damn i think he likes me 2 much.. esp. when i dont really lik him that much... mayb ill stick it out for a few more days and see how it goes.. mayb i should do it b4 our 1 month of kinda goin 2 gether... and 5 days of really goin out.. i should just do it so that i can b done hurtn him.. please god dont let him fall n love with me im beggn u with all i got.make me mess up and have him brake up with me first.. i wont b hurt but im a good actor.. lol please really i dont want 2 do it.. but i dont want 2 not do it... leave it b or not b... this juleit has no love this this unromeo... Juliet